This Is War

Since the holiday season is upon us, I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite Christmas songs. You likely have not heard the song before, since it was only written a year ago, but it gives a unique perspective on Christmas. Enjoy!

This Is War

by Dustin Kensrue

This is war like you ain't seen

This winter's long, its cold and mean

With hangdog hearts we stood condemned

But the tide turns now at Bethlehem

This is war and born tonight

The Word as flesh, the Lord of light

Son of God, the low-born King

Whom demons fear, of whom angels sing

This is war on sin and death

The dark will take its final breath

It shakes the earth, confounds all plans

The mystery of God as man

The Power of Prayer

In the past week or so, I have been relearning just how necessary prayer is in ministry. I say 'relearning' because it is something that I have always known, yet often seem to forget in practice. This is most unfortunate.

For the past few months, the attendance figures at both the jr. high and the sr. high youth groups had experienced significant drops. Entire groups of friends hadn't showed up for several weeks in a row. So while attendance numbers should not be the criteria by which ministry effectiveness is judged, it is still discouraging. It causes us to question if we are failing in some area, and it is easy to place the blame on ourselves, even if we are not at fault.

Last week, the youth pastor and I decided to pray through the lists of both the jr. high and sr. high kids who had attended events this year. We had done this earlier in the year, but had not done it for quite some time.

Whether or not it was the direct result of praying for the youth individually, we ended up seeing almost everyone show up to at least one of the four youth events we had last week. I don't claim to have the faintest understanding of how or why prayer works. It doesn't make sense to me why an Almighty God would want us to pray to Him, when He knows exactly what we need before we even ask. But even though I cannot understand it, the results speak for themselves. Would all of those kids have shown up last week if we hadn't prayed for them? There is no way of knowing. The fact remains that we prayed, and our prayers were answered. I was incredibly encouraged through this process.

And then I got to thinking about the role prayer plays in my own life. If the reason we saw attendance figures drop was because of a lack of prayer on my part, then that is pretty convicting. I think it may be possible that less youth were coming out due to the fact that by not praying as I should have been, I was not equipped or in a position to minister effectively to them. Prayer is a great way to stay humble and allow God to work through a person. It forces me to acknowledge the fact that apart from God, I can do nothing, no matter what my stubborn pride might lead me to believe. I believe that it is through prayer that God equips and enables me for effective ministry. Anyways, those are my thoughts from this past week. Hopefully they make some sense.

Part 2

This post is actually a continuation of my previous post, in which I describe some of the challenges that I have been facing as an intern.

Anyways, I book last weekend off, and went to Calgary to visit friends (and cheer on the Oilers at the Saddledome). It was exactly the break I needed, and I found it to be a very refreshing weekend. And here are my thoughts on why it was so refreshing.

While it is true that I have made friends here in Sylvan Lake, it was so good to be with friends who have known me for many years. I feel like even though I have made some good friends here, there is still the sense that people here know me first and foremost as 'the intern' or 'the pastor,' and don't know me apart from my role in the church. I feel like in any of the relationships I develop within the church here, there is still a sense of responsibility to people, simply due to the fact that I am in ministry. Nothing against the many great people I have gotten to know here, but the fact is that they do not know me apart from my role in the church.

And this got me to thinking that it must be difficult for pastors to have close friends within the church. I feel like it could be difficult for people to see someone in ministry as a friend, and not solely as their pastor. My perception, be it right or wrong, is that many people expect their pastors to have it all together. And with this perceived expectation and the reality that none of us have it all together, it can be difficult to cultivate close friendships within the church, other than with other pastors. This is why it was such a blessing to spend time with friends in Calgary, since I could relax and be myself, without feeling like I had pastoral obligations to my friends. Hopefully this is making some sense. If nothing else my reflections on this topic have highlighted the important role that a pastor's wife plays in any ministry, and is why the thought of being single and in full-time ministry terrifies me. Anyways, these are some of the issues that I have been wrestling with throughout my internship, and its helpful just to write out my thoughts. But don't get me wrong, even though I am sorting through many different questions related to ministry, I am loving every minute of my internship! So don't take pity on me, be thankful that I have such a great church in which to further explore my calling to ministry!

A Glimpse Into the Mind of an Intern

I thought I would share some of the things that I have been going through/struggling with so far on internship. Basically, I think I am experiencing some of the common struggles or conflicts that many if not all pastors face at some point in their ministry.

Firstly, I cannot remember a time where I have been faced with so much doubt and questions. I have never doubted my calling to ministry, nor have I doubted the truth of what I believe. Rather, doubt has arisen regarding, for lack of a better word, my worthiness for my calling. I get so frustrated because there are some things that I feel I should understand and have a better grasp on if I am going to be a pastor, and yet I simply cannot wrap my mind around them. One such subject that I cannot comprehend is that of grace. It is such a crucial topic to my faith, and yet not only can I not understand it, but I don't think I am as grateful for grace as I should be. Perhaps this is in part because I have been a Christian my entire life, and without ever having turned from my faith, I have trouble recognizing my need for grace. In my pride I feel like I was never a bad enough person that I desperately needed saving. In my heart I know that this is a lie, but these are the thoughts that have been plaguing me.

And if it isn't already apparent from the previous paragraph, the other area of my life that I have been struggling with is that of pride, which is something I didn't even recognize in my own life until recently. This is something I am having to try and destroy in my life on a daily basis. For example, last week I spoke at the jr. high youth service. Prior to the service, I was not overly confident in what I had to say, and felt the message I had prepared was sub-par. So I simply told God that all I could do was proclaim the truth of His Word, and it was up to Him to do something with it. This was a smart thing for me to do. With God's help, my talk went really well, much better than I had anticipated. My immediate reaction was to take pride in what "I" had just done. See what I mean about pride? Don't get me wrong, these are two issues that I am working on, but it is still a constant struggle.

Which brings me to the first question that has been bothering me. How can I, as a pastor, preach on subjects that I am still in the process of working through in my own life? Doesn't that show a lack of integrity? As I have reflected on these questions, I recognized one of the major lies that is used to discourage pastors, and that is the idea that pastors somehow have to have all the answers and lead a perfect life before they are able to minister. The fact is that God chooses to work through imperfect people. Pastors are no different. This is not an excuse to ignore the issues, but if everyone waited to achieve some high level of spiritual maturity before ministering to others, then there would be no pastors.

Since this post is already getting rather long, I will post the rest of my thoughts at a later time. But first I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that has been a source of encouragement to me in my struggles:

Answered (by Thrice)

All that I have are questions;

So much is veiled in mystery.

But you are yourself the answer -

The only answer that I need.

My brokenness (I must confess)

Darkens all my thoughts and hides your hands.

But questions fade before your face,

And I'm content that I may never understand.

Of what I spoke I did not know -

Of things too wonderful and high for me.

In ignorance I gave offense;

I had heard of you but now my eyes have seen.

New Experiences

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophecy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions." (Joel 2:28)

The reason I began this post with this passage is that since beginning my internship, I have experienced God in ways that I never had before. And that is through visions. I do not have much for theology or doctrinal teaching regarding visions; all I have is my experiences, which I would like to share.

Before I was given my first vision, I had been thinking a lot about the power and baptism of the Holy Spirit. This had been the topic of a sermon one of the pastors was working on, so it had been frequently discussed around the church as well. In my studies, I had come across this quote, which I think largely inspired the first vision I was given:

"Just as when a sunbeam falls on bright and transparent bodies, they themselves become brilliant too, and shed forth a fresh brightness from themselves, so souls wherein the Spirit dwells, illuminated by the Spirit, themselves become spiritual and send forth their grace to others." (Basil, "On the Holy Spirit")

So this is what I had been reflecting on throughout the morning. I then met with the other local youth pastors at the Pentecostal church, and we had a time of prayer for the upcoming multi-denominational youth service. As we were praying, I saw a vision of the entire sanctuary filled with youth worshipping God. As they worshiped, each person began to glow brighter and brighter, until the sanctuary was unbearably bright. I immediately understood this to be the power of the Spirit pouring out of the lives of each believer there, and thought of how the Spirit's power is amplified (maybe not the right word?) through the lives of each believer. It is such an undeserved honor that God would choose to manifest His power and fulfill His purposes through the Church. God doesn't need us, but He loves us and chooses to work through us anyways. So maybe this doesn't seem like such a significant vision to you, but this was the first time I had experienced God in this way, and I thought it was pretty amazing.

It was only a few weeks later that God gave me another vision. I was spending some time in quiet prayer, sitting under the large cross in the sanctuary. As I was praying, I was thinking of Jesus hanging there on the cross. And then I saw a vision in which I saw Jesus come down from the cross, and He said to me (almost audibly), "I came down from the cross so that I could be with you." Such a simple vision, yet so incredibly profound! While I don't understand a lot about visions, I believe that I was given this vision to strengthen and encourage me. Throughout my internship I have become aware of some of my own weaknesses and failings, and have wondered how God could possibly be calling someone like me to full-time ministry. And it is at these times that I am often reminded of this vision, and realize that it is only by God's grace and because of the indwelling Spirit that I am qualified and adequate to minister to others. This is something that God has been teaching me throughout my internship so far, but a lesson that I seem to be slow to learn. But I just wanted to share some of the ways that God has been revealing Himself to me lately, as I think its pretty amazing.

Daisy

After beginning to grasp the great power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me (as described in my previous post), the next step is to learn how to rely fully on His strength, rather than trying to do everything in my own power. This is much more difficult than it sounds.

There is a song off of the new Brand New album that I think perfectly illustrates the result of trying to live life in our own power. I'm not sure what their intended meaning of the song is, but this is what the song made me think of.

Daisy (by Brand New)

I'm a mountain that has been moved

I'm a river that is all dried up

I'm an ocean nothing floats on

I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in

I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot

I'm a moon that never shows it's face

I'm a mouth that doesn't smile

I'm a word that no one ever wants to say

I don't wanna be...

He wasn't finding anybody when he was on the shelf

I saw him in my dream

I'm a mountain that has been moved

I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run

I'm a preacher with no pulpit

Spewing a sermon that goes on and on and on

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast

And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass

It'd be alright, it's alright, it'd be easier that way

Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain

Like he knew it was time to start things over again

I'd be alright, it's alright, it'd be easier that way

As I listen to this song, I am reminded of just how futile it is to attempt to live by our own power when God Himself resides within us. In order to live in the power of God, we must first die to ourselves, as the song suggests. In Luke 9:23-24 Jesus teaches that "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." It is required that we surrender control to God on a daily basis, since we as humans are weak. Once we have done this, it is up to God to continually grow us more and more into the image of Christ. The song suggests that the only way to start again is if someone (in this case, God) sent rain to grow us into something new.

Even Jesus, although fully divine, did not try and do anything apart from the will of God the Father. He says about Himself: "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me" (John 5:30). If Jesus, the very Son of God, did not try to live life by His own power, how foolish of us to think we can somehow carry out God's purposes for our life without His power!

I would like to finish with another quote from A. W. Tozer, this time from his book "I Talk Back to the Devil" :

"If you think that there is anyone in the world so good that God could do something for that person's sake, you don't know sin; and if you think there is anything that God will not do for you for His sake and for His name, you don't know God!"

Pneumatological Reflections

Since coming to Sylvan Lake and beginning my internship, one of the topics that has come up repeatedly is that of the filling of the Holy Spirit. Admittedly, this is a topic that I have less knowledge of than I should. I think that the Holy Spirit is the most neglected member of the Trinity in many of our churches, as we want to make sure that we are not "too charismatic" or "too crazy." This is a most unfortunate oversight on our part. The church here in Sylvan is striving to be a "Spirit filled church that isn't crazy," which I think is a great goal.

This past week as I was reflecting on the topic of the Holy Spirit, I had a very simple yet profound revelation. While this revelation is nothing that I haven't known and believed all my life, the significance of it never really hit me until recently. And that revelation is simply this: the Holy Spirit IS God. The Holy Spirit is not a mere spirit such as humans possess, but the third member of the Trinity. I think that due to our frequent neglect of the Holy Spirit in our churches, we unconsciously diminish the power and deity of the Holy Spirit in our minds.

I think that when we come to truly recognize the full divinity of the Holy Spirit, we cannot help but be strengthened and emboldened for whatever tasks and purposes God has in store for us. Think about it: residing within every Christian is the very same all-powerful God who made the lame walk, who caused the blind to see, who cleansed lepers from their affliction, and who raised the dead. It is the Spirit of the same God who came "to preach good news to the poor...to bind up the brokenhearted...to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1). It is this God who abides with us, walking with us in our everyday lives. As Jesus ascended into heaven, He left His disciples with this promise: "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). Because of this great power residing within us, our task is simple. As one of the local youth pastors here put it, all God asks us to do is to obey - He is responsible for enabling us to follow His instructions. How simple yet profound!

However, we as humans are not devoid of responsibility when it comes to the filling of the Spirit and His working through us. In order to be filled with the Holy Spirit, we must first surrender our lives to God and His purposes. In his book "How to be Filled with the Holy Spirit," A. W. Tozer suggests that the filling of the Spirit is an ongoing process. He writes that the Spirit can only fill those areas of our lives in which we have fully surrendered to Him. As we surrender more and more areas of our lives, He is able to fill more and more of us. While there is a great deal regarding the filling of the Holy Spirit that remains a mystery, Tozer's explanation makes sense to me based on my own personal experiences.

So now I will leave you with this question as posed by Tozer:

"Are you sure that you want to be possessed by a spirit other than your own? Even though that spirit be the pure Spirit of God? Even though He be the very gentle essence of the gentle Jesus? Even though He be sane and pure and free? Even though He be wisdom personified, wisdom Himself, even though He have a healing, precious ointment to distill? Even though He be loving as the heart of God? That Spirit, if He ever possess you, will be the Lord of your life!"